Noelle continued to nurse until around 7 months, due to pregnancy. Maximilian lasted 8 months and stopped when I again, became pregnant. Violette went until 14 months and Zane's pregnancy stopped her. I never gave myself a time table, knowing that breast milk is truly THE BEST thing for any baby. I went with what felt right for the child and I, learning with each one and gaining more and more confidence, and reading my children's ques.
With Noelle nursing was a chore. I was embarrassed, uncomfortable, and felt as if all eyes were on me. I nursed in public restrooms, hidden behind the bathroom doors, squatting above the toilets. I would be dripping sweat, worked up, and disliking the whole experience. Looking back, she was also feeding off of my awkwardness, needless to say, we didn't get out much and avoided public nursing at all costs. I began to pump more and use formula.
Confidence grew with each child. I discovered Hooter Hiders and was able to cover myself in public and confidently nurse my children. I began to feel pride for myself, to be able to give such a wonderful gift to each child. To supply them with the liquid gold of food, and give them what is regarded at the most complete form of nutrition, with a wide range of benefits for infants' and toddlers' health, growth, immunity, and development, is such a gift and I was happy and proud to be able to do this for my children.
When I gave birth to Zane the nurses actually asked me to help out first time mother's with their nursing. I shuffled to their rooms, sore from the c-section, but eager to help and tired of being alone in my room with only Z. I shared with a couple of new moms what worked best for me, showed them how I did it. It was wonderful to be able to help, and I feel blessed to be given the opportunity to help them. It gave me a another boost in confidence as well that I would take the route of self weaning and not set any time limits.
By the time Zane came around there was no doubt I would not give him any formula and continue on with nursing as long as we both were comfortable and benefiting from it. In my mind I thought one year would be great to make it till and reevaluate the situation then. When that rolled around it was 18m, then 2 years, then 2.5 years, then 3 years. I knew it was working for him and I. I knew there was nothing wrong with it, despite some outside opposition. I knew it was best for him and I knew he would wean himself when HE was ready, not when society dictated that it was time.
I didn't push his weaning, with the commotion of the move he seemed to transition into not needing/wanting to nurse and I didn't encourage him to do it. A few times while in the new house he resorted back to wanting it, and I let him. Then it seemed like he would forget and I wouldn't remind him, especially at night. I snuggled him in and during the time he would usually ask to nurse, I told him stories and held him tight and he was ready to fall asleep on his own, he was ready to wean.
I am feeling surprisingly good, void of the intense emotion that I anticipated feeling. I am proud of myself as a mother for believing in my convictions about not forcing Zane to stop because it suited me, or others. I am ready to close the door on nursing and to open the next door on having four children that are not dependent on me.
A small twinge of sadness has entered, of course. I cherished those afternoon nursing sessions, when Zane would crawl onto my lap and fall asleep for less than 30 mins, but just enough time to hold him tight and drink in all that is him. He did not require a regular scheduled long nap, just a catnap some afternoons was all he required. It was our down time together and that will always hold a special place in my heart.
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