My Boys

They are less than three years apart and I can see the budding relationship forming and strengthening daily.  Zane watches for Max, and Max takes great pleasure in pleasing Zane.  Max seeks out things to stop his crying and gets a gigantic smile on his face when Zane finally stops and takes interest in Max’s find. 

The boys love things with wheels.  I spotted Zane’s peaked attention in vehicles at a young age.  He would fixate his eyes on Max’s cars as he zoomed past during tummy time.  Admiration for his older brother began then too and seems to be a special bond.

I can see them going off on adventures, terrorizing the girls, building/taking apart everything, and playing multitudes of sports together. Max will guide Zane on their adventures, shooting dragons, rescuing damsels in distress, or playing a riveting game of baseball, competing in distance of balls thrown and hit.  Burping and farting competitions with Daddy will probably be held too.  I, as a girl will act grossed out, but secretly giggle and enjoy the loving competiveness taking place.

Max wonders when Zane will walk (it’s around the corner, but not too close) so they can play tag together.  He whines about it, really wanting this to take place.  Wanting to not be surrounded by Barbie playing, baby toting girls.  He wants to wrestle, and run and pee on bushes with his little buddy. 

Boys will be boys.  That is the infamous saying that parents of boys say.  It reigns true as I am experiencing my boys.  The “vroom” of a car is in grained in their heads and comes out without teaching the moment a truck/car is picked up their chubby hands. A distinct shooting sound is another noise little boys bring forth when they pick up anything that resembles a gun.  They take aim with ease and the noise comes forth.  A noise, formed in their little brains, seemingly, in utero.  They are rough.  Sure, at times gentle can be found in their bodies, but for the most part is all rough and tumble boy.  Zane head dives into Max’s stomach, open mouthed, wanting to give a kiss but it turns into a mini wrestling session.  Max loves it and belts out a deep three year old chuckle while Zane’s high pitched baby giggle is mixed in as well. 

It’s only just beginning, and it’s amazing to watch.

 

Worn Off Novelty

Well the excitement and novelty of this new adventure, called Kindergarten has worn off. Not only has is wore off, it’s loooong gone. What started out as mornings filled with smiles and happiness has turned into screaming, iron grips on Mommy, and excuses that are genuinely creative.

My first concern was Noelle’s well being. Was someone making fun of her? Was someone hurting her? Is she without friends, the loner in the corner? With carefully asked questions, so as to not lead her answers, she assured us no one was upsetting her and she had made many new friends. She just didn’t want to go and would rather be at home.

Awww, how sweet it sounds. That is, until I am standing outside the school, wet hair, no makeup, and glasses (having had to drive her, unplanned, after she refused to get on the bus) while Noelle grips onto my pants, pulling them down as I try to drag myself away from her. Oh yeah, it was that bad. Her usual docile self was way gone. She was screaming at the top of her lungs, begging to go home, chasing after me, kicking and screaming the aids. She was that kid. It was brutal.

Before this dramatic scene, at home, she has come up with a seemingly infinite list of excuses not to go each morning. Let me list them for your amusement and future blackmail:

*With her eye squeezed shut she comes to me and says, “I have pink eye and can’t open my eye, it’s stuck shut”.

*”My legs won’t work, I’m too tired” and she gracefully falls to the ground and won’t get up. This happened while getting out of the car.

*”I don’t need school, I know everything the teacher tell us already.”

*”I love you so much and I just want to be with you every moment I can”

*”If I go to school I could miss Zane taking his first steps. You don’t work so you can see all the special moments. Why can’t I?”

*”I’m just so sick, my mind doesn’t work anymore”

*”I won’t eat any food all day if you send me.”

*”I will do all the chores you ask me to if I can please stay home”

It’s endless, but after a nice chat with her teacher we both have concluded that she must go and it will get easier. Of course this is crushing to a mother. Walking away while my little girl is in the throes of a meltdown, screaming and begging for “one more hug and kiss” for the tenth time. Meanwhile, Max, Violette, and Zane watch, upset at the display of emotions coming from their sister, whom they look up to and adore.

This morning was better, a little. She did get on the bus (I will not be taking her to school for awhile because I prefer to keep my pants free from dragging children!), with only a medium amount of tears. I hope that has the weeks go by and the review of basic concepts have ended and new learning begun, that Noelle sees the joy in learning and school.

Noelle continues on with horseback riding lessons. I’m hoping the good posture and responsibility encourages confidence in my shy little girl. Her little body looks so regal up on a horse, practicing posting and riding with her back straight, she makes me proud. During her lesson Max, Violette, Zane and I get to walk through the barns and love on all the other horses and that is a huge bonus for us.

Time will ease the separation anxiety and I will remember this time in her school career as another period of growth. She needs to spread her shy little wings and go out on her own. In the meantime I will continue to take her temperature each morning to prove that she does not have a fever, again!

Remembering 9/11

You can’t help but remember ten years ago this Sunday.  September 11.  Like most people, I can clearly recall the moment finding out and being glued to the TV for days afterward.  One moment sticks in my head, and is burned into the core of my being about that morning.  A classmate, who I had talked with everyday, in my college class, had a dad who worked there.  I didn’t know this but upon entering my 11am class, she looked at me smiled and said, “He called in sick today”.  I didn’t need to ask who, I didn’t need any further explanation.  I knew, we all knew that he was lucky.  The relief on her face, the smile that was able to be had, it is a bright spot in that horrible tragedy for me. 

Each year I anticipate a time where my children will ask about 9/11.  They will want to know what I was doing, how I felt, and all the details that I can recall.  I will tell them that I found out when my clock radio alarm went off, explain how horrific of an event it was and how the people around me were unified.  I will tell them that in such a momentous event, there was unity, love, and compassion that sprang forth.  The American Flag was flown from seemingly every spot available.  I will tell them that despite knowing no one involved, it changed me. 

My children are too young yet to understand.  I explained this morning in a simple 3 & 5 year old way while the news was on and they were curious.  Noelle asked, “How could someone do that?  How could they want to hurt people?”.  This question is very typical of her age, I can see her grasping at understanding empathy.  Max responded with a more typical 3 year old boy response of , “they need to go to jail”.  Later in the day he asked me, “When the buildings fell what happened to all the workers in there?”  I guess as they grow it will be simpler to explain to them.  For now, I do my best to give age appropriate answers while trying to instill that something we all want as parents, in them.  I want them to be compassionate, to love, and not judge others.  I want them to be kind and strong.  I want them to have clear and strong morals.  Values they are proud of.  I want it all for them. 

Ten years ago I didn’t have children.  I didn’t even really want children, maybe one.  Now I have four.  Four beautiful little souls that occupy my time and my everything.  I didn’t know what my future held, but I do remember thinking of my children and wanting them to understand the significance of that day.  I clearly remember wanting to bottle up the patriotism surrounding me and open it when they (actually he.  I wanted one little boy and that was it.  Things have changed) were old enough.  I wanted them to understand that we, as a nation, felt the pain even though most didn’t know anyone who specifically lost their lives.  Politics and most BS was pushed aside in the government, we were whole.  Strangers bonded, families made extra calls to each other, it was a unity completely indescribable.  They might not understand this, as I fully can’t convey it.  I will try.

Sunday I will again explain, in their age terms, what 9/11 means.  I will give a shortened version of my story.  They may be young still, but each year I will try and get them to comprehend this solemn day.  Now I will watch their interaction and enjoy their sweet innocence.  We will spend the day as a family, laughing, hugging, and loving each other as we always do.  The TV will be tuned in to the many magnificent documentaries and when they are in bed we will be glued to the stories and talk about it as man and wife.  Relive it moment we found out to each other again, and whole heartedly be dumbfounded at the Hero’s that came from the rumble of our beloved county.  I will pray for those lost and remember.

GOD BLESS AMERICA! 

Off She Goes

For almost six years I have held her hand and nurtured her with all I have.  Yesterday I released my grip and passed her gentle, slim hand onto her Kindergarten teacher.  The release hurt and I wanted to hold on tighter, pull her back to me and cradle her little being.  Instead I hugged and kissed her and let go. 

Monday night we got all ready for Tuesday’s early morning.  Right before bed, Noelle shyly said, “My tummy feels funny, and I don’t feel like myself.”.  I knew instantly it was nerves.  She couldn’t sleep, so we finally suggested she sleep in our bed, with us.  I like my bed and don’t take lightly to sharing it for long stretches.  It was needed this night.  She fell right to sleep and when Tom and I went to bed we both hugged her tightly and smiled at our precious little girl.  My fingers intertwined with hers during the night, my other hand held onto Tom.  We were linked together, savoring this last night before a large step in our aging family.  She was wiggly, and at times annoying, but it was okay, and it felt right.  Not only did she need that little extra comfort, we did too. 

The morning routine went on without a hitch.  She ate, dressed, brushed teeth without complaint.  There was even excitement twinkling in her eye as we talked up school.  She was truly excited to embark on this new chapter. She helped to make sure all her favorites were ready for lunch.  Made sure her outfit wasn’t bothering her, and fixed her bed-head hair. 

I put on a smile, I faked enthusiasm, but inside I was a wreck.  All day, five days a week for the next nine months she would be away from me.  I was entrusting her care, her education, her well being to a complete stranger.  I met this women briefly, once during the Open House.  I wanted to do a background check, put a private investigator on her tail, and have a day long sit down interrogation chat with this teacher.  Only a few minutes in passing, with many other parents around, is all I spent with this so-called teacher, and now I’m passing my baby over for almost 40 hours a week.  The more it mulled around in my head, the harder it was.  I knew I needed to stop this backwards thinking and trudge on, positivity in site.

Time came to tie up the shoes and wait outside for the bus.  All six of us were out, running around and enjoying the cool air.  Early, as usual, the anticipation was building and I could sense Noelle’s anxiety.  The bus turned the corner and lights flashed as it slowed in front of your driveway.  Noelle gripped my hand as Tom watched the other three.  My camera was poised in my other hand, ready to capture this big moment.  I said, “I love you” as we walked across the street.  She gave one last hard squeeze told me she loved me and walked up the steps.  I paused, watching her and taking it in.  The doors closed and my vision was blurred by tears.  The camera never was turned on and the moment passed. 

I spent the day in and out of tears, watching the time go by.  Wondering how she was doing as each hour passed.  Was she making friends?  Was that picture of Tom and I she made me print out, still packed away in her bag, or taken out for comfort?  Did she eat her lunch?  Was she crying?  The questions plagued my mind, but three other little ones and the husband who decided to stay home dragged my mind out of “Noelle mode” and back to reality. 

Time came to head outside and enjoy the cool weather and bright sunshine while we waited for the return of our Noelle.  I sat down, watching Violette and Max ride around.  My leg was twitching and my head was searching for the bus.  We saw it enter the neighborhood and couldn’t wait for the next stop.  Max and Violette missed her, just like I did. 

Noelle ran off the bus, a gigantic love you smile was planted on her little face.  She ran into our arms, full of smiles.  She loved it.  She had a great day.  Day One of Kindergarten was a success (day two too).  I asked the obligatory million Mom questions and she answered them at first, then brushed me aside as I wanted to find out every detail possible. 

I’m settling in to this new routine.  Having three at home is new and different for all of us.  They miss her, I miss her.  It will take time, but I’m thankful this new adventure is heading in a positive direction.

Favorites

Their minds are continually growing, developing, and changing.  One day they love bread, the next day it is the most revolting thing ever to be placed in front of them.  They watch, and read the same things over and over and over again, enjoying it as it if was their first time.  Security is found in their favorite object, holding on, grasping it for comfort at every moment possible.  Most of the time that object stays the same, but on surprising time it changes and as if it was always their favorite they latch on.  I want to record these favorites.  When we look back they can remember what they were like on September 1, 2011.  They can laugh at the silliness of their answers that I write verbatim.  They can cherish these memories as I am.

Noelle Rose

Favorite Food:  Salmon

Favorite Toy:  Doll House

Favorite Friend:  Luke

Favorite Color:  Gold and Silver

Favorite Animal:  Horses

Favorite Object:  Special Puppy and corner on white night-night

Favorite Movie/TV:  Peppa Pig

Favorite Book:  Dr. Seuss Books

Favorite Activity:  Horseback Riding

When I grow up I want to be: a vet

What are three things you love about yourself: Because I’m beautiful and I’m so loving and kind

What is something that makes our family special?:  Because Daddy took me to Alaska

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?:  I would go over to Aunt Shawn’s house and swim in the pool all day and my brother and sister wouldn’t bother me because they couldn’t see me.  I would spy on my brother sleeping.

Where is your favorite place in the world: Horse camp!!

 

Maximilain Charles

Favorite Food:  Cheese Puffs

Favorite Toy:  Mega Tonka Truck

Favorite Friend:  Mia and Olivia

Favorite Color:  Green, red, and pink

Favorite Animal:  Cow

Favorite Object:  Night Night

Favorite Movie/TV:  How to Train Your Dragon

Favorite Book:  Fluffy & Baron, and Otis

Favorite Activity:  Play baseball and soccer with daddy

When I grow up I want to be: a police officer, and a daddy

What are three things you love about yourself:  My heart, I’m helpful, and strong

What is something that makes our family special?: Our house

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?:Walk away to daddy’s office

Where is your favorite place in the world: Wonderland (?) and Grandpa’s boat

 

Violette Adelle

Favorite Food:  Nuggies (chicken nuggets)

Favorite Toy:  Babies

Favorite Friend:  Baby Rhys

Favorite Color:  Pink

Favorite Animal:  piggies

Favorite Object:  fuffy (pacifier, yes I NEED to get rid of it) and 2 night-nights

Favorite Movie/TV:  Calliou

Favorite Book:  The Big Red Barn

Favorite Activity: play baby zane’s toys

When I grow up I want to be: somefing big

What are three things you love about yourself:  um, pink, my belly, um toes (verbatim, like I said)

What is something that makes our family special?:  Um, pink!

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?: Um, jump

Where is your favorite place in the world?  I want go to the zoo!

 

Zane Michael

He’s a bit too young for this, obviously, but I’ll just list his favorites.  And to note, this past week Zane’s two top teeth broke through.  He has a total of four teeth and I feel everyone of them!

Favorite Food:  Breast Milk, breast milk, and more breast milk

Favorite Toy:  He seems drawn to trucks and cars and loves to play with whatever the other children are playing with, naturally.

Favorite Friend:  His siblings.  Many times during the day he is drawn to a particular sibling.  Noelle is very gentle and kind with him.  Max roughhouses and shares his trucks.  Violette loves to give kisses and share babies with Zane.  It has been fun watching the interactions develop with the youngest.

Favorite Animal:  Zeus, he loves climbing all over him

Favorite Activity:  Pulling himself up on everything and promptly displaying a proud smile along with rolling a ball on the ground to his brother/sisters

As we gearing up for kindergarten (this is a hard one for me as I have tried writing about it and the mostly end up walking away in tears) and the end of summer, so it’s nice to have some favorites down.  In a few months I’ll ask the same questions again and see how the answers have changed. The answers will show their growth, and it will be a fun experiment for me.